Marty hits the ring, but Kevin doesn’t back up, clearly trying to intimidate the much smaller pretty boy.  Kevin the Magnificent came to the Central States several months earlier with a manager named Angel.  Honey was a beautiful woman who wasn’t afraid to interfere physically in a match.  However, somewhere along the line, Angel left, and the Magnificent one didn’t stay in the area much longer.  Kevin was actually a great heel who could stir the crowd up with his mic skills, often running down the local hillbillies.  He was very well defined but worked awfully stiff. 

The two lock up a couple of times, hammer and tong, with Kevin pushing Janetty back into the ropes a couple of times, trying to strike Marty with a forearm the second and third times.  Marty ducked both times, and takes Magnificent down with an arm drag the third time.  Full armdrag and twist by Marty, as Kevin makes it to his feet, punching Janetty in the stomach, and Marty goes to the second rope with an elbow.  However, the second time, Kevin catches him in a bear hug.  During this exchange, Stuart explains that Angel has been suspended by the National Wrestling Alliance because of alleged outside interference (read: Kevin and Angel broke up).  Kevin sits Marty on the top rope, makes the break, shoves the ref and makes a run for Janetty, who jumps over Magnificent.  Janetty caught his right leg on Kevin’s shoulder, causing him to fall on the mat awkwardly, but jumps up quickly and dropkicks Kevin.  Another arm drag by Marty and he regains the upper hand with an arm bar.  Kevin makes it to his feet and tosses Janetty into the ropes, and once again, Marty takes the big man down with an arm drag.  Kevin, however, forced Janetty into a headscissors.  This causes Marty “Excedrin headache number 125” according to Rick Stuart, thus is born the first commercial plug in professional wrestling history.  Marty slips out and grabs Kevin in a brief headlock, but Kevin once again forces Janetty into a headscissors.  Kick two more times by Janetty, and again being forced back into the headscissors, until Janetty grabs Kevin in a headlock and throws several punches to the head.  Kevin works Marty to the corner, throws several forearms, tosses Marty who reverses Kevin and arm drags Magnificent once again to the mat.  Kevin Wall: “Marty Jannetty, asking the crowd ‘Do you want it?’ And the crowd says “Yes!’”  K.  Perhaps this is a veiled reference to a Rod Stewart song, in keeping with ‘80s rock and roll.  Actually, Janetty was threatening to boot the Magnificent one in the face.  Wall tells us that Janetty excites a crowd like no wrestler he’s ever seen.  Kevin Wall, always the company man; sell, sell sell.  Marty Janetty has a “magnetism.”  Janetty’s charitable efforts are mentioned.  Marty lets Kevin up and both wrestlers are on their feet.  Drop toehold takes the Big Man down, but once again, he catches Janetty in a headscissors.  Hold on, Slick has joined the announce table.  Marty works his way out of the headscissors with a toehold.  However, Kevin regains the upper hand with punches and a back breaker.  Big bearhug by Kevin into a reverse atomic drop.  Kick to the back of the head and now Kevin throws Janetty outside the ring.  Slick rips Kevin Wall and Rick Stuart on their partiality to the faces.  Of course, they deny any such thing.  Kevin won’t let Janetty back into the ring, using clubbling forearms.  In one of the most bizarre moments in television history, Janetty asks for a woman’s soft drink, and proceeds to take a huge drink from the cup.  The fan does a “that’s my baby” dance.  Of course, this is an illegal tactic according to Slick.  I’d say it borders on psychosis on the part of Janetty, but what do I know?  Kevin Wall states that a sip of a soft drink is perfectly legal.  What if the substance in question had been human growth hormone?  Bacardi 151?  A Barry Bonds special? 

Whatever it was, Marty Janetty is a house afire now (perhaps a house of fire as well).  Kevin is in Fist City and Marty elbows Kevin as he comes flying off the ropes.  Big body slam by Janetty, and he goes to the top rope.  Big dive but Marty misses as Kevin moves.  Kevin covers and places his feet on bottom rope.  Myers stops the count at two and warns the Magnificent one to break.  Both men back up and Marty flails away with punches, but Kevin catches him with a body block.  The crowd is really into the match now.  Headlock by Kevin, Marty tosses Kevin into the ropes, and both men collide in the middle of the ring, weakening both men.  Kevin gets to his feet, and leans against the ropes.  Slick pushes Kevin, causing him to fall on top of Janetty.  Sonny Myers counts three.  Slick runs to the dressing room.  At 10:58, Kevin the Magnificent is your winner.  Hulk Hogan pose after the match by the Magnificent one. 

Another ad for the card in Joplin.  Slick and the Dream Team join Kevin Wall.  Slick responds to Race’s “poodle” statement.  To studio B where Rick Stuart is interviewing Hacksaw Butch Reed and Rufus R. Jones.  Reed looks like a brickhouse, Rufus is dressed in his typical sofa pattern shirt. 

The next match is a Texas Death Match, falls do not count, the match continues until one man cannot answer the bell.  Rick Stuart does the intros.  Introducing first, from Tehran, Iran, Sheik Abdullah.  I wonder if he knows anything about the nuclear weapons program.  As a side note, after years of wrestling and managing as Sheik Abdullah, several months later he would join the WWF as a preliminary wrestler under the name Jack Kruger, presumably his real name.  I had a good time trying to rationalize this one in my mind.  Maybe he was under the witness protection program.  In the other corner, one half of the Central States tag team champions, West Virginia’s own, Brad Batten.  Great.  Ayahtollah Kohmeni meets John Denver. 

The two men lock up hammer and tong, Batten back the Sheik back into the ropes, and throws two forearms before breaking.  Collar and elbow tie up again, and this time Abdullah back Brad back into the ropes and throws a forearm.  Sheik attempts to throw a forearm, but Batten blocks it and strikes with a fist to the chin.  Rick Stuart informs us that the record for a Texas Death Match is Iron Mike DiBiase (Ted’s father) and Dory Funk Sr., a match lasting an hour and forty four minutes, sixteen falls.  Third lockup, and Batten looks to go for a suplex, but instead improvised a neckbreaker.  Kevin Wall informs us that this match could go on all night.  Quick, someone inform the local stations, we’re staying with this baby all night!!!  Uh, wait, this is a taped show, edited to fill one hour.  Let me guess, Kev, no all nighter tonight. 

After the neckbreaker, Batten goes for a quick pin, kickout at two.  The combatants circle each other again, lockup, Batten backed into the ropes, Sheik tosses him, and Sunset Flip by Batten for a two count.  Now Abdullah goes to the corner and apparently pulls something from his trunks.  Referee David Niven (not the actor, in case you were wondering) attempts to find out what, but he is shoved to the side by Abdullah.  Stuart and Wall speculate, “Is it salt, is it fire?”  Niven finally grabs the hand and forces it open to discover, nothing.  This really lights up the commentary.  Rick Stuart: “Abdullah, again, the master of illusion, an accomplished magician in his own right.”  Folks, I don’t quite know what to say here.  There is kayfabe, and then there is brain damage caused by heavy drug use.  The absurdity of this whole sequence is almost genius, almost psychotic, like that androgynous Satan in The Passion of the Christ.  As I said in my last report, I have come to appreciate the Central States over the years for its own uniqueness.  This is precisely what I mean. 

Anyway, lockup, and Batten grabs Abdullah in a side headlock.  Kevin Wall is still incredulous.  “I can’t believe it, there was nothing there. I saw him take something out of his tights!”  Please, Kevin, let it go.   Rick Stuart eggs things on: “Once more time, uh Abdullah, certainly one of the most amazing {pause} sportsmen in professional wrestling.  He’s capable of some absolutely phenomenal feats.”  Sheik Abdullah was the Tiger Woods of ‘80’s wrestling, sports fans.  Belly to back suplex by Abdullah, but then both men miss an elbow.  Batten connects with a dropkick, then armdrags the Sheik to the mat.  Both men up and Brad is tossed to the rope, shoulderblocking Abdullah.  Up again and Abdullah throws Batten over the top rope.  No DQ, however, because of the Texas Death rules.  Out to the floor and the Sheik kicks Batten with those Iron Sheik boots, you know, the ones with the curly toes.  Abdullah rolls back in and then back out to chase Batten around the ring.  Brad however, catches the Sheik with a fist, followed by a head to the ringpost.  Batten picks up Abdullah and tossed into a second ringpost.  Fist to the forehead and now Batten is biting the Sheik on the forehead.  Abdullah blades and now the announcers attribute it to the biting.  Both men back in and Brad with a bodyslam.  He goes to the top rope and drops a Jerry Lawler fistdrop.  Another fist, and then tosses Abdullah into the turnbuckle.  Two count, now Batten tosses the Sheik into the ropes and catches him in an abdominal stretch, with earns Brad Batten a submission fall.  We’ll be right back. 

Ad for the card in Joplin.  Kevin Wall is standing by with the tag team champs, the Batten twins.  He reminds us where we can buy the tickets, and suddenly we go to a mustached Ken Resnick and the AWA banner.  Here they come, the best new tag team on the market, the Midnight Rockers.  You have to see this to believe it.  Shawn Michaels and Marty Janetty.  Wow.  From humble beginnings.  Jannetty informs us they are going to take over the world of professional wrestling, and they are going to start in the Central States.  They have the lightning sunglasses, vests, gloves, wrist streamers, the whole Def Leppard gig.  Listening to the future HBK is surreal. 

Back to the match.  Rick Stuart says “eight” over the house mic (counting from one to ten) as Sheik Abdullah staggers to his feet.  Batten tosses the Sheik into the ropes and catches him with an elbow.  Kneedrop to Abdullah’s face and a two count.  Both men up and a bodyslam from Batten.  Batten goes to the top rope and missed with an elbow.  The Sheik unwraps some of the tape from his wrist and catches Baten with a kick to the head.  He then wraps the tape around Batten’s neck in a kind of front facelock.  Nivens pulls the Sheik off, so Abdullah goes to the top rope and drops a fist to the back of Brad’s head.  The Sheik with a piledriver and then a swinging neckbreaker.  Back to the top rope and fistdrop again, and the Sheik gets a two count.  Abdullah tossed Batten out to the arena floor, then follows Brad out and posts him.  Abdullah back into the ring and mounts the top rope and down to the floor on Batten.  Batten is bleeding now.  Brad works back up to the apron, but Abdullah tosses him twice into the turnbuckle, then bites Batten on the head.  Two kicks and Batten is back into the ring.  The Sheik goes to toss Batten into the turnbuckle, but a reversal and the Sheik is the one who gets tossed three times into the corner, however, Abdullah catches Brad with a vicious clothesline and gets the three count.  Time for a commercial break, consisting of cheesy commercials from McGruff the Crime Dog and the Post Office. 

Back to the action. 

Five seconds remain in the rest period, but Abdullah kicks the fallen Batten in the solar plexus.  Now a kick to the back of the head.  The Nivens counts to nine and a half and Brad makes it up.  Abdullah with an elbow to the back of the head and tosses Batten’s head into the turnbuckle.  Two right fists from the Sheik but Batten strikes back, but Abdullah tosses Brad into the ropes and catches him in a sleeper.  Mucho juice on both competitors.  Nivens checks Batten’s arm and on the third try Brad shows life.  A couple of elbows to Abdullah’s midsection breaks the hold.  Off the ropes, Batten shoulderblocks Abdullah and springs from the ropes again.  Now Batten catches the Sheik in a sleeper, but Abdullah drops to the corner and Batten’s head catches the turnbuckle.  A kick to the head and then Abdullah tosses Batten over the top rope.  The Sheik follows him out and tosses him back in.  Kneedrop and Abdullah gets three two counts.  Another kneedrop and the Sheik catches Batten with a gourdbuster to get the three count.  Adbdullah then tosses Batten over the top rope during the rest period, and attempts a piledriver, but it is reversed by Brad.  The ref begins the ten count, and Batten makes it back into the ring and up to get the win.  Abdullah chastises David Niven and Batten is joined by his brother Bart to congratulate him 

An interview with Slick and the Dream Team, Art Crews and Diamond Timothy Flowers.  Stuart asks Art Crews “Why?”  Crews just smiles.  Slick talks about Slickamania.  Claims he wouldn’t give a cripple a crutch if he owned the lumberyard.  Bulldog is going to take care of Bruiser Brody.  Now he turns his attention to the tag champs, the Battens.  Brother Slick is the new sheriff in town.  He claims he made Sergeant Slaughter look like Sergeant “Slow motion” Slaughter.  Claims that Oliver Humperdink and Skandor Akbar called him and asked him how he did it.  M-O-N-E-Y, that’s how. 

The main event.  Bulldog and Slick are already in the ring.  Bruiser Brody is introduced first as he makes his way into the ring.  Brody looks HUGE.  The two circle one another, but Bulldog is obviously leery.  Now he bails out of the ring, and Brody follows him.  That prompts Bulldog to make his way back in.  They lock of and Brody catches Bulldog in an armtwist, followed by an armbar.  Two chops and a right to the back of Brown’s head, another armbar and trip and Brown is on the mat.  Brody holds onto the armbar.  Know a knee to the left arm by Brody, and Brown makes his way up.  Three chops by Bulldog but Brody rakes the Bulldog’s eyes and scoops him up for a bodyslam.  Kick to the chest by Brody and he slaps on a rear chinlock to Brown.  Brody is so much larger than the Bulldog.  Brown with a facerake and the credits are rolling.  The men trade chops and we fade to black. 

Kinda disappointing at the end, with just a few minutes of the main event.

NEXT MONTH: 

The Midnight Rockers face the Dream Team, an interview with the tag team champions, the Batten Twins, Sergeant Slaughter, and a lumberjack match between Harley Race and Bulldog Bob Brown.