Live from Houston, Texas.

Your hosts are Jesse and Gorilla.

This is notable, because it's the first Royal Rumble on PPV.

·  Opening match, 2/3 falls: Hacksaw Duggan & The Hart Foundation v. The Rougeau Brothers & Dino Bravo

Neidhart and Bravo do the feeling out process until a pier-six erupts and Bret gets decked by the heels to become face-in-peril. I think Dino Bravo does the most dramatic tag in the history of wrestling. Rougeaus get a quick fall on Hart with La Bombe Des Rougeaus. Hart gets the holy hell beat out of him as the Rougeaus and Bravo run through their entire offense on the poor guy. Jesse points out the inherant idiocy of chanting "USA" for the Canadian Hart. No wonder he got so bitter in 1997.

Harts do the false tag bit. Bret takes more of a beating. This entire second fall is just non-stop Bret beat down. Hot tag to Duggan and you'd think Steve Austin just came out from the pop. Anvil gets slingshotted (slingshotten? slungshot?) in onto Jacques for two, and Duggan drops an elbow for three to take the second fall.

Now Duggan is Ricky Morton. Is it me, or does Jacques do an awful lot of moves that involve rubbing his crotch into someone's face? I take a Dorito break. It should be noted that Cool Ranch Doritos and Rolo candy are the only food products (outside of various brands of iced tea) that I would ever agree to shill were I to become a celebrity. Hart gets the hot tag, and Duggan bops Bravo with the 2x4 to give Bret the pin. It had it's moments. **1/2

·  Ted Dibiase draws his number for the Rumble, and ends up seeking a trade with Slick. HTM, the Bushwhackers, Bad News Brown, Jake the Snake and the Rockers all draw as well, with varying degrees of happiness. Today, Shawn gets 20 minute interview blocks. Back then, he turns to Marty and says "Good luck".

·  WWF Women's title match: Rockin' Robin v. Judy Martin

For those who weren't around back then, Rockin' Robin (Robin Smith, sister of Jake Roberts) beat Sherri Martel to win the Women's title and basically tank the division. Picture Sam Houston, except even skinnier. The push was a disaster, given the utterly dead crowd reaction to her. This match is pretty decent by the generally crappy standards of the time, with non-stop two counts, although myself and the crowd couldn't give shit one about it. Robin hits a bodypress off the second rope after a head-fake for the pin. **3/4 More...