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- Tyler Merriam Aired May 3, 1986. Taped two days before that in Providence, R. I. - On to the opening scenes, as Mean Gene narrates them this time around for some reason. - Bobby The Brain Heenan is with Vince tonight, since Jesse was off making the Preadator. Heenan gripes about being called weasel, of course. - Off to the locker room with Jimmy Hart and the Funk brothers, who in a comedic scene, practice throwing the megaphone to each other. Jimmy then brings in Jimmy Jack Funk to watch the Haiti Kid. - Now to Hogan/JYD/Haiti Kid. Hogan, who is sporting the white apparel tonight, says the Funks are jealous, and they head to the ring. - Terry & Hoss Funk (with Jimmy Hart & Jimmy Jack Funk) vs. Junkyard Dog & Hulk Hogan (with Haiti Kid)
Hogan and JYD ambush the Funks, with Hogan acting like JYD, then Haiti attacks Hart for a moment. Hoss (Dory Funk Jr., I don't know why Vince felt he had to change it) starts with JYD. Hoss can't slam him, but JYD does, and Hoss tags out. Terry gets a few blows in, but JYD sends him over the top. Terry then proceeds to attack the Haiti Kid, who runs underneath the ring as JYD pulls him back in and pounds away. Haiti is apparently okay, and Hulk tags in. Then in a spot I've never seen before or since, Hogan and Hoss start a crisscross, but Terry joins them, and in the confusion Hogan gets two big boots and a two count. Dog and Terry are in, and the Funks begin double teaming the Dog, but he takes control again, and he and Hulk clean house. Then, in what I might call a brilliant move, Hart nails the Haiti Kid with the branding iron in the face. JYD takes him back to the locker room, and we go to commercial.
Hogan and Terry start, but Terry doesn't last ten seconds, and Hoss' luck isn't any better. Hoss does manage to throw Hogan outside, and Terry uses the branding iron, but Dog runs out and slams Terry on the concrete floor, and Hogan back inside. Haiti Kid has returned (good thing too, I don't know if I would have been able to sleep) and Dog tags in. Hoss takes control as JYD becomes your face-in-peril and Terry tags in. Double clothesline spot, but before Dog can tag out Terry hits an elbow. Terry goes up top but misses a splash, and Hogan tags in, legdrop and you know the rest. After the match though, the Funks dump the faces and hold the Haiti Kid, as Jimmy punches him. Hart tries to set up the Kid for a branding iron shot, but Hogan stops that, then holds Hart so the Kid can slap him. Hogan then uses a bell to thwart off the heels. Nothing great, but nothing completely horrible here. 1 for 1, but only because of the branding iron to the Kid. - We go backstage to a weigh-in, Mean Gene is there first with Bundy and Heenan, Bundy is 458. Then Elmer, eating a huge bucket of Uncle Elmer's Fried Pig Parts. Okerlund offers to take the bucket, but Elmer doesn't want it, and 430 pounds. Heenan stays there to make sure everything's on the up and up, and is hilarious as always. - King Kong Bundy vs. Uncle ElmerCan I just put 1 for 2 and move on? Heenan describes Elmer as a human dumpster. Bundy takes control early, as Heenan's classic remarks on commentary makes this watchable at least. "I wonder if Grandma Elmer is back there watching this? I doubt it, because they don't have indoor plumbing down there, they sure don't have TV. Heck, Elmer's probably only 11. Them Hillbillies age quickly." Elmer avalanches Bundy once, but misses a second try. Bundy hits an elbow and gets the pin. 1 for 2. - Mean Gene is in the dressing room of Adorable Adrian, who sings to a cardboard cutout of Mr. Wonderful. Then Gene is in a sauna at 160 with Orndorff. Gene says he's never wrestled Adonis .
- Adorable Adrian Adonis (with Jimmy Hart) vs. Mr. Wonderful Paul OrndorffOrndorff attacks immediately, and Adonis bails. Orndorff drags him back in, then sends him back out. I've neglected to mention so far Adonis is in a black, pink and blue colored dress tonight. Orndorff hooks an abdominal stretch, which Adonis sells like a figure-four, and he retreats to the corner. Adonis takes over with a cheap right hand, and some token offense, but a back body drop sends him to the concrete. Orndorff brings Hart in, then throws him back out on top of Adrian. Why is everybody beating up Hart tonight? We go to break.
Orndorff hits an airplane spin and they both go to the floor, but Hart distracts the ref and Paul long enough for an Adonis megaphone shot to the head that turns the tide. Adonis with more weak offense and misses a splash, but a right hand keeps him in control. Adonis literally will make a move, then prance around for 15 seconds, and hit another token move, and prance more. Suplex gets a one count, and he goes up top. He gets all knees on a splash though, and Orndorff hits a knee, then a dropkick. He rips Adonis' dress and chokes him with it, and shoves the ref to draw the DQ. There's ten minutes lost in life. 1 for 3. More... |
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