- Scott Keith

- Live from the Rosemont Horizon, outside of Chicago.

- Your hosts are Gorilla & Jesse, with Mr. Genetic Jackhammer himself introducing the video and keeping track of the tournament.

- For those not acquainted with the show, it’s a thoroughly pointless 16-man tournament, the winner of which receives a Cadillac and probably gets laid with the bimbo that Lord Alfred Hayes spends the whole show hitting on. It was kind of a precursor to the King of the Ring. Here’s the field, determined by "random draw":

• Corp. Kirschner v. Adrian Adonis
• Dynamite Kid v. Nikolai Volkoff
• Ivan Putski v. Randy Savage
• Ricky Steamboat v. Davey Boy Smith
• Junkfood Dog v. Iron Sheik
• Terry Funk v. Moondog Spot
• Magnificent Muraco v. Tito Santana
• Bob Orton v. Paul Orndorff

- Opening match: Corporal Kirschner v. Adrian Adonis. Adonis was slowly easing into the fatboy he eventually became, and was sporting leather rather than tutus at this point. The ring is just INSANELY loud for this show, with everything causing the ring to go "BANG!" like they hired some demented foley artist to overdub the show with dramatic sound effects afterwards. The Corporal hits some armdrags to start, and works a headlock. You had to know that Kirschner was doomed from the start, because he was brought in to replace Sgt. Slaughter, but couldn’t be given a rank above Sergeant for obvious reasons. They might as well have called him "General Jobber" for all the success this lame gimmick was gonna bring him, not to mention that he SUCKED in the ring. Adrian gets a series of elbows, then Kirschner makes the comeback and tries a suplex. Adrian does a neato reversal of the move, turning it into a DDT midway through and driving him headfirst to the mat for the pin at 2:35. Strange that no one has used that suplex counter since. ½*

- The Dynamite Kid v. Nikolai Volkoff. Dynamite is over pretty huge, mainly because he went out there and worked his ass off and did stuff that the lazy steroid monsters infesting the WWF at the time couldn’t even DREAM of pulling off. Kid was so awesome that it hurts to watch him and think about how he wasted his talent and potential thanks to drugs. Short and sweet here, as Nikolai sings the anthem and turns around to eat a missile dropkick for the pin at 0:06. DUD  More...